Week ago I had a big day having an opportunity to sell Sohvi's filly to a great horseman and his lovely family to Sweden.
It's like a new period of a time has been started.
For me is like "I made it!" It's more like evidence to me, the work of success.
There have been such big changes during last months, big decisions, hard work and still trying to hold on only the right things, which is the most tricky part of it!
You could say it's not easy, but somehow it is! It feels relieving.
One day you have a newborn colt in your lap and second moment you need to say goodbye to your long time friend and savior.
It's a easy let go to tired, sick body, but it's a painful let go the fact that the time after this will never come back, never. Tiers in my eyes, try to hold on so tied in those memories and denying so long how the things have chance. Let go a one horse, who have build my life to way it now over 12 years. Brake's my heart to have to make the decision, but it's mine and I now have accept it.
I also need to accept the big fat fact that there is always people who are telling you -you are doing wrong!
To deal everyday that there is a some person that think they know you life better than youself. Person who is feeling so bad with her self, that she can't hold on those nasty thaughts. They but the negative energy on you, but onlybif you let them.
If the door is open, it's open.
How do I close it?
How do I stop be that person in my own life?
But if it hits your ego, there's something to dig out!
I have been catching my thoughts and my feelings haven't been this mixed about everything in a long time.
Breath in breath out.
What do I want to do in my life, really?
Am I following the obvious or am I really honest to myself?
One thing I know for sure, family is more important than ever. My children come first, maybe for the first time ever really.
I think we need those wake-up calls! My son did have acute surgica operation month ago. It was scary, it was importat experience. That really made me think.
I realise that I have been so available to many over this years, that maybe it's a hard to understund that this is me know.
Before I would run to go see my friends and have good time with them, now I like to be home, like to be quiet and alone too more than ever. It's kind of new to me too.
Some people have stuck with me like glue, growing together for sure! I have had time period last 10 years, when I have pushed myself and my family, friends (some lost away, but thankful and sorry if needed♡) so tight and rollercoaster drive like a hell! Althought I believe that you are always there where you supposed to be.
So you never need to think you're doing something wrong, even you are doing wrong. You are crowing to be you.
There is a reason for having this rollercoaster years. Only if we realize enjoying even small pieces of it. Then we would not awake some day to someone saying "Do you remember what you had? What kind of life you have a chance to live and offer? Was that the time of your life? Or did those years just run over you? Did you run over YOU?
I didn't mean to write a "book", especially not in English but I did. And if nothing else, life breaking thing just happened: I gave a great English writing lesson to me and a hint to have maybe somekind of agemindstorm(smile).
With these "every end of a year"- thoughts of mine. I wish for everyone to have courage to look true to your hearts. Challenge your dream,
Are you awake or not?
Beautiful New Year 2018!
|Mun sydämestä lähti pala sun mukaan ♡|